ManKind Project Changes Men’s Lives

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch ran a story about The ManKind Project. Men say training has made them better men was written, in large part, from the experiences the reporter had while visiting my I Group (no pride here! 😉 ). [Ed. The P-D’s on-line version of the article has aged off their web site so I have included it at the end of this posting.]

I have to admit that I was one of the guys mentioned in the article as checking in with fear and nervousness. It was definitely weird holding an I Group meeting with a reporter and a photographer present. But it was well worthwhile since Munz did a beautiful job of conveying some of the benefits of this work. Here is my favorite quote from the article:

He’s been married for 25 years now and has been able to “connect to my wife and kids on a level I was completely unaware even existed.”

When Hargis’ wife, Beckie, was asked how her husband had changed after the training, she said the key word is “joy.”

Hargis’ daughter Sarah, 15, says she feels she has a closer relationship with her father than her friends do with their fathers. Her dad is more emotional, asks more questions, listens and gives good advice, she said.

Woman Within International runs a similar program for women.

Both The ManKind Project International and Woman Within International are not-for-profit organizations.

Links: The ManKind Project International & The ManKind Project – St. Louis

[Added Sept. 29, 2005]
I am doing something I have never done, quoting a copyrighted article in its entirety. The following is from the St. Louis Post-Dispatch and has been aged off their web site. Rather than lose it, I copied the text out of Google’s cache.

Men say training has made them better men
By Michele Munz
Of the Post-Dispatch
06/25/2005

After sharing his feelings about the recent death of his mother, Bill Fleischman of St. Louis County is comforted by the touch of other members of his New Warriors group.

Bill Fleischman, 46, sat in a circle with eight other men on a recent evening and cried as he told them how he held his mother’s hand through the night and watched her slowly die.

She was 80, had avoided a nursing home and went peacefully. But still, it was hard.

Fleischman and the other men have been gathering like this twice a month for 10 years. They talk about their joys, fears, failures and triumphs. They hug, cry, listen and encourage.

The men chanted the name of Fleischman’s mother three times as they threw their palms toward the center of the circle – their way of conferring honor on a person. Fleischman stood, and the others placed their hands on him so he could feel their energy. “Feels good,” he said softly.

Fleischman, of St. Louis County, and the other men call themselves New Warriors. They got started in the program a decade ago by taking part in a weekend activity put on by an umbrella group called the ManKind Project. It has 38 centers worldwide, including one in St. Louis.

The training involves 48 hours of emotional and physical challenges in a camplike setting. Its mission is to “enable men to live lives of integrity, accountability and connection to feeling” with a “renewed sense of passion and responsibility.”

According to the project’s brochure: “The New Warrior is at once tough and loving, wild and gentle, fierce and tolerant. He lives passionately and compassionately because he has learned to face his own shadow and to live his mission with integrity and without apology.”

About 500 men in St. Louis have completed the training, and many say they are better husbands, fathers, leaders, mentors and professionals because of it.

Steve Hargis, 46, of St. Peters, called the training “one of the most profound experiences I ever had.” As a survivor of sexual abuse, he had lived a life of shame, he said. To avoid dealing with the issue, he immersed himself in climbing the corporate ladder.

“Although I managed to be successful in my career and everything else, on a personal level, I wasn’t working,” he said. “What I got there was a chance to find out that I really am worth something, and I am not what happened to me.”

He’s been married for 25 years now and has been able to “connect to my wife and kids on a level I was completely unaware even existed.”

When Hargis’ wife, Beckie, was asked how her husband had changed after the training, she said the key word is “joy.”

Hargis’ daughter Sarah, 15, says she feels she has a closer relationship with her father than her friends do with their fathers. Her dad is more emotional, asks more questions, listens and gives good advice, she said.

After completing the New Warrior weekend, most men continue to meet for 10 weeks in small, structured Integration Groups as a way to continue their personal growth. And many – like Fleischman’s group – continue well beyond the 10 weeks. There are 30 such groups in St. Louis.

The ManKind Project started 20 years ago in Wisconsin, and those in Fleischman’s group are among the first in the area to have completed the training.

Meetings usually include rituals such as playing drums, burning sage and the passing of a “talking stick” to whoever is speaking.

The recent meeting of Fleischman’s group was at Hargis’ home. There were no drums on this night. They sat in wicker chairs and rockers on his back porch and talked about the stress and worries of raising teenagers, work, empty nests, aging parents and selling a house.

They started off by revealing their chosen animal names, such as “Fire Bear” and “Golden Retriever.” They stated their life missions, such as “to create a world of safety and trust” and “to give love to children through healing and protection.”

All different types of men have become New Warriors. Each enrolls in the training seeking something different, and each takes away something different.

James “Jay” Lewis, a motivational speaker from St. Louis, completed the New Warrior training about two years ago.

Lewis, 36, learned about the training from a couple he met while shopping at T.J. Maxx. Lewis struck up a conversation with the white couple because they had a black child. He commended them for not going overseas to adopt a child and asked if he could give them a hug.

The wife turned to her husband and said, “He would be good for the work.” The man invited Lewis to an “Open Circle” meeting where men who have done the training and their families share how their lives have changed, and others can come to learn more about it.

Lewis was impressed how each person was given his own space and time to participate, and how others genuinely tried to understand and offer support.

“Men have a hard time showing emotions, and these men hug. … They can drop what society says they should or shouldn’t do and do it,” he said. “I have had connections with men, but not at this deep a level.”

Months after he signed up for the training, Lewis lost his wife and three triplet boys, age 3, to a drunken driver. They were killed while on their way to visit his in-laws in Memphis.

Devastating as it was, Lewis discovered during the training how the death of his mother when he was 17 months old really shaped who he is. All his life he had been told to be strong and don’t cry, that he has a lot to be thankful for. Finally, he could express his sadness.

Lewis met his best friend through doing the work, and his goal is to recruit more African-American men to do the training “because all men have wounds and need a safe and sacred place to come work on their wounds.”

At the group meeting at Hargis’ home, the men started by “checking in” – describing to the others how they feel. Many checked in with anger, fear, sadness and nervousness. Two hours later, they “checked out” with joy, appreciation and calm.

Said Fleischman: “I check out a lot more peaceful.”

Reporter Michele Munz
E-mail: [email protected]
Phone: 314-340-8263

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The ManKind Project

The ManKind Project is a nonprofit educational and training organization for men that operates 38 centers worldwide. It offers more than 100 New Warrior Training Adventures each year.

Founders: Rich Tosi, a former Marine Corps officer and corporate executive; Bill Kauth, a psychotherapist and social activist; and Ron Herring, a clinical psychologist and educator. They held the first training in Wisconsin in 1985.

The New Warrior Training Adventure: The 48-hour program involves group discussions, games, guided visualizations, journaling and individual process work.

Follow-up: Men can join in an eight- to 10-week Integration Training. Many groups continue to meet for years.

Cost: Fees vary, but the average for a New Warrior Training Adventure is $650. The Integration Training typically costs an additional $100 to $150.

More information: Visit www.mkp.org, call the St. Louis center at 314-341-3977 or attend the open group meetings for men and women on July 27. Also, a men-only open meeting is scheduled for July 5. Call for location. The next New Warrior training in St. Louis will be Sept. 30-Oct. 2.