Cheerful Curmudgeon

I have dropped 24 pounds since last May, which makes me smile. Now, in addition to simply being smaller, I have two more reasons to smile. First, my last blood test for cholesterol levels came back with greatly improved numbers across the board. This means that I will likely be around longer to sponge off my kids (are you listening, guys?). Second, because of the lower cholesterol levels in my bloodstream, my doctor agreed that I could drop one of the two meds that I have been taking. Dropping the Zetia will save me $75 per month, an unexpected and wonderful surprise. I had heard and read that losing weight would have collateral health benefits. Now I have first hand proof.

My friend Jimbo sent me the following exercise program. I’m well along with it and, so far, it has been pretty do-able, even for a greybeard like me.

This seems a little daunting to start with but if you apply yourself you may find that it’s not as difficult as you think.

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-Lbs potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-Lbs potato sacks.

Then try 25-Lbs potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 50-Lbs potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.

Remember, nothing is more valuable than your health. Get the best quality potato sacks that you can!

As anticipated on December 22, today I made it down to 199 pounds for the first time since, well, since heaven-only knows when! To the groans of all, I celebrate with another six word story:

One hundred ninety nine pounds. Yipee!

Imagine it’s one of those lazy mornings when you don’t feel like doing much of anything. You woke up and shrugged into a comfy old shirt. You left your cuffs unbuttoned. The left half of your collar sticks up, since you never bothered to look in the mirror. As for the buttons down the front, you probably missed one or two. But the sun is shining, your morning cup o’ tea has been exquisitely tasty, and all is right in the world for you to slide through a long, lazy day, the perfect sequel to your lazy morning.

Mystical Judaism has the belief that our souls return to G-d when we sleep and G-d sends our souls back when we wake. We have a morning prayer which begins, “Thank you, King, for mercifully restoring my soul to me.” The belief shows up in Christianity, too, and pops up in the children’s bed-time prayer, “Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep….” I am sure that the belief is much older than either religion, since sleep looks so much like death and since dreams are so other-worldly.

What if your soul returns to your body one morning and doesn’t feel like doing much of anything? What if it shrugs your body on like a comfy old shirt? What if it doesn’t bother to button up all the buttons, to straighten out the collar, to check the mirror to be sure that everything looks right and proper? How are you doing today?

Today, I celebrate. Since I began exercising and eating less on Memorial Day, I have lost 20 pounds! First goal achieved.

Next goal, which should be pretty quick if the gods of metabolism cooperate: Weigh less than 200 pounds. I cannot remember the last time I weighed less than 200 pounds.

After that, I think I’ll head for 180 pounds. (There! I’ve put it in writing.)

To mark this momentous occasion, I return briefly to that briefest of all genres, the six word story.

Five months. 20 pounds. Woo hoo!!

and

Help me celebrate. Eat some chocolate.

and

Should I replace my website photo?

Four batches of six word stories, oy vay! I hope you are at least a tiny bit amused (and not too abused), even if only for the second or two that it takes you to read these.

Genealogy: Research begat research begat research…

Crash splatter! Who dunnit? Cat naps.

Dog barks. Squirrel laughs. Yet again.

Six word stories fascinate me so.

For better or worse, writing continues… Perhaps Twitter has it only partly right. Perhaps instead of 140 characters, we need to be limited to six words.

“ARTHUR JOSEPH!” I’m in big trouble.

Rejected by NaNoWriMo. Not novel enough.

Morning walk. Trees rustle. World sparkles.

I read another story. Friends groan.

My friend, Scott, is writing a novel. I’m just like him except I lack the talent, time, and patience to write a novel. But disregarding those tiny hindrances, I’m going to write a novel one of these days, too. Until then, I continue to offer my short short short stories for your gentle amusement:

Run done. Quick cold shower invigorates.

Sliver of soap; too many showers.

Fur in cereal. My cat purrs.

Toaster fixed. I plugged it in.

Being undiagnosed ADHD (who has the time or attention span to get properly diagnosed?), I am fascinated with the ultimate in concise literary expression: the six word story. My wife may be distressed at my latest obsession but, hapless you, I share a few of my more precious gems here:

Face down on keyboard: Monday morning.

Computer beeps. Mouse flies at screen.

Look out! Probably more to come.

Jugglers make it look so easy…

I am so happy. Netflix will finally stream movies to the Sony Playstation PS3. We have a Roku player, too, but it will be more convenient to have all of our entertainment stuff in one box. And the PS3 ought to produce a better picture, too.