I just got some bad news and thought to myself, “I sure as hell don’t want ____ to happen.” That made me wonder, why hell? Of all the things in the universe to be absolutely certain of, why hell?

As with so many colloquialisms, I do not actually believe in this one any more than I believed Jesus was G-d when I crossed my fingers as a child; or believe that demons invade the body after a sneeze, necessitating the warding spell, “G-d bless you!”

So if I really really really don’t want something, and I want you to know that my desires are as unshakable as the existence of something absolutely indisputable, why choose hell as that something? I know: habit.

Since I do not believe in hell, and you probably do not believe in it either, let’s pick something else which we can unequivocally agree exists. And since we are going to invoke it at times of distress, why not pick something strong enough to withstand the stress, something unstoppable, something amazingly powerful. And, because four letter words are fun, let’s be sure that it has a four letter name.

Try this on for size: “I sure as love don’t want ____ to happen.” Sounds funny, doesn’t it? But think of something truly terrible and fill in the blank and say it out loud. Saying “love” feels better than saying “hell,” doesn’t it? You can kind of feel that love coming your way, just in case ____ happens.

Remember:
You’re not alone.
People care.
Sure as love.